Dear Abby,
Sometimes I'm full of worry on my way home from work that I'm not going to give you the time and love you deserve. I'm just so tired from the long day just like you are. Today you were kind of fussy when we got home and didn't want your veggies. I was too tired to worry about it but I wanted you to calm down so I could eat my dinner. I gave you some of the cheese and black beans from my tacos and you couldn't get enough. It makes me so happy when we can share a meal together and I can see that you really enjoy it. I enjoy our dinners together at night, especially now that you can feed yourself and we can eat at the same time. You get real impatient when you're hungry just like your mama. I love eating and I love cooking and I hope that you will share these passions with me because sometimes I don't think your daddy is too excited for my "culinary adventures" but he's always a great sport.
After dinner today you didn't want to play. Instead you crawled into my lap with your baby jesus book with the furry animals and sat there for 15 minutes just flipping pages and petting the animals. Sometimes you would look up at me and read a page out loud. I wish daddy had been home to get a picture. I love the way you are so focused on the task at hand and I can just see your little mind taking it all in and learning. Then at bedtime when I read to you, you watched the pages so intently pushing yourself to stay awake until the very end. I hope that your love for books will continue your whole life so we can read books together and discuss them with your Aunties and Grandma Grutz. Thank you baby bun for a sweet, relaxing evening. I thank God every day for perfect little you. I love you.
Mama
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
What I miss
A good friend told me that she didn't really have post-partum depression until her baby was about 6 months. I love Abigail more every day and can't believe the things she can do. Every night I can't wait to wake up to see her smile and hear her say da-da and na-na and sometimes faintly I think a ma. She's such a good tempered girl and a great sleeper. I wouldn't say I'm depressed per se, delayed baby blues maybe. Feels more like a mid life crisis to me even though with my genes it would be a 1/3 life crisis. Today at home on this cold Wisconsin night I just need to mourn my old life.
-I miss long walks at night with Tim. When we first started dating he was a bartender and I was a waitress so these walks might not even be until 11pm. Didn't matter the season we just liked to get some air. Sometimes he goes alone at night now, he always encourages me to go but it's just not the same.
-I miss long talks at night without having to worry about waking up early with a baby.
-I miss meeting friends on the spur of the moment. We are blessed to have a large healthy active family but it's much harder to find a babysitter than we ever imagined. Everyone lives just far enough away to make it difficult and everyone has a lot on their social plates.
-I miss sleeping in and napping whenever I want. When I don't work the weekends we take turns waking up which helps. But it's just not the same. You hear that little girl giggling and babbling down there and you just can't stay in bed. You just want to play. Sometimes I miss being pregnant because I had such great naps then.
-I miss working out before work. Zanger and I worked out together twice a week before I was pregnant and a couple months in. Thanks to her encouragement and motivation I had the endurance I needed for Abby's long dramatic entrance into this world. She works so hard to stay healthy and fit it is constant inspiration to me. Plus she is a great listener and always has an amazing compliament to turn the day around. We're going to be able to meet Mondays again which I am looking forward to but I never thought I'd be waking up at 5am to go to the gym.
-I miss reading. Oh how I miss reading. I never thought sitting down with a book would be a luxury. Now when I do have time to read I can think of 12 other things I want/need to do too. Currently I'm reading last month's book club book and this one at the same time. 21 days to go. Hope I can make it through.
-I miss the TG and JG annual road trips. He is really excited to try it this year but I just can't imagine it with a little one. We'll see, we're still saving money to go. Oh and camping. I forgot about camping. What's not to love about camping - delicious food, campfires, stars, the great outdoors, sleeping bags, hiking. Oh camping how I miss you.
Goodbye young Jessa (aka: Jecca, Ssej, Juicy, Sica, Gates, Lil' One). It was a good ride. You have now entered the part of your life that really matters. Enjoy it. In 30 years if your bones aren't too brittle you'll get to walk whenever you want, read all weekend long if your eyes haven't failed you, and be sad about all the things you miss about your sweet little girl - well if you don't have early onset dementia.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
9 month update from Abby
Today we saw Dr K. I usually like seeing her because she tells me how pretty I am and smiles a lot. But today she kept touching my mouth and my ear and it hurt so bad. Now I have to take some yucky pink stuff for an ear infection. I spit half it out at Mommy today. I can't wait to feel better so I can eat more but I'm so sick of medicine. Dr K said I can pretty much eat whatever Mommy and Daddy do, which I have been trying to tell them for weeks. They just don't get me sometimes. Why just today I tried to grab Daddy's sandwich but he just got up and ate somewhere else.
Besides the ear infection, I'm doing great. Growing right on target. I'm 28 inches (just under the 75th%ile, bet I'll be tall like Uncle Jay and DaDa), 19 pounds (50th%ile) and DaDa says I have his huge head in the 90th%ile. The best part was NO shots. I still looked at the nurse suspiciously the whole time because she always comes back with a needle. I've got to keep my eye on her.
I'm still crawling around chasing the cat but letting her get away, dancing while Daddy plays guitar and driving Mommy nuts because I refuse to say MaMa. Sometimes for fun I'll say Mmmm and even one soft tiny Ma, but no MaMa's. I laugh so hard every time she tries to get me to say it. Then I saw Da-Da just to make Daddy laugh. Mommy's friend Becky told her one day she'll wish I didn't know how to say it. I still don't like to nap at home but will nap 2 hours every day at Lori's because all the big kids are and there's no one to play with. My new favorite food is soft cooked peas and chunks of banana. I recently discovered I can move around by holding on to the furniture. I have two teeth and some more on the way. I'm having so much and learning every day. Here's some pictures from the last week.
Besides the ear infection, I'm doing great. Growing right on target. I'm 28 inches (just under the 75th%ile, bet I'll be tall like Uncle Jay and DaDa), 19 pounds (50th%ile) and DaDa says I have his huge head in the 90th%ile. The best part was NO shots. I still looked at the nurse suspiciously the whole time because she always comes back with a needle. I've got to keep my eye on her.
I'm still crawling around chasing the cat but letting her get away, dancing while Daddy plays guitar and driving Mommy nuts because I refuse to say MaMa. Sometimes for fun I'll say Mmmm and even one soft tiny Ma, but no MaMa's. I laugh so hard every time she tries to get me to say it. Then I saw Da-Da just to make Daddy laugh. Mommy's friend Becky told her one day she'll wish I didn't know how to say it. I still don't like to nap at home but will nap 2 hours every day at Lori's because all the big kids are and there's no one to play with. My new favorite food is soft cooked peas and chunks of banana. I recently discovered I can move around by holding on to the furniture. I have two teeth and some more on the way. I'm having so much and learning every day. Here's some pictures from the last week.
Showing off my two teeth.
Enjoying a rice cracker during playoff games.
My Daddy's so silly.
If you don't wear Packers' gear during the game they'll lose! It's true Mommy told me.
If you don't wear Packers' gear during the game they'll lose! It's true Mommy told me.
Friday, January 7, 2011
rolling with the punches
Today our little bun (aka baby bundle) is 9 months old. Almost a year, I can't believe it. I get so excited about what outfit I'm going to put her in for our big photo shoot, just have to get the greatest picture for our baby book. I'm going to get action shots of her new tricks. Oh it's going to be so great and then when Tim comes home he gets to laugh at how I took 25 pictures of her in 5 minutes.
Well things did not end up that way after all. Instead I went to wake 'gator up to go to Lori's and she felt so hot to me. "Guess I over dressed her last night. Hmm, why's she so whiney?" In the morning she is always so happy, we still have no idea where she gets that from. So her crying woke up Tim and we checked her temp and there it was . . . her first fever. As new parents we didn't know what to do - do we send her to Lori's or the ER?? Should we through her in a tub of ice cubes like in the movies? So Lori said "not to bring her just in case but probably she's teething or its cold. Oh and can one of you make sure to still bring the check?" Yeah, that's my first priority.
So after 4 sweet hours of sleep Tim stayed with her and I raced to work for 4 hours to try to see as many of my patients as possible. The whole drive there I held back the tears for all the fear and guilt I had. How could I leave my sweet baby at home with her poor sleep deprieved father? Now I won't know what her temperature is until I get home because he's afraid to check it. If only I was still nursing she would have never got sick. Wondering what kind of terrible parents let their baby get a fever. Wondering why we didn't wake up in the night when she first got sick. Wishing for the 100000000000th time that I did not have to work full time. Hoping COC and RR come in early for support. On and on the thoughts go. I get to work and none of my mom friends are there for comfort. Just the ladies with no babies trying not to show annoyance that I will be leaving early.
After about 5 calls to Tim and 5 long hours later, finally I was home to feed my tired hubby and cuddle my sad little baby. I spent the day holding that poor girl with us taking turns crying (me harder than her). My heart breaking and rebreaking that I couldn't fix our little daredevil and make her comfortable. Watching her pitiful attempts at playing. After two hours of reading, singing and rocking, she finally went to sleep and has been sleeping for a whole hour and a half now as I sit here wondering how high her fever is now. Is she too hot, too cold? Does she have pneumonia? Does she have the beginning of the flu? Will she be better by tomorrow so we can go on our date? Would we even enjoy our date? Is my dad mad that she is sick and might not come over? Do we even have 9-12 month pjs, those ones tonight seem a little snug? Is our thermometer accurate? Did the Motrin make her stomach hurt? Why are her hands cold and her head so hot?
Maybe I'll just go peek one more time.
Well things did not end up that way after all. Instead I went to wake 'gator up to go to Lori's and she felt so hot to me. "Guess I over dressed her last night. Hmm, why's she so whiney?" In the morning she is always so happy, we still have no idea where she gets that from. So her crying woke up Tim and we checked her temp and there it was . . . her first fever. As new parents we didn't know what to do - do we send her to Lori's or the ER?? Should we through her in a tub of ice cubes like in the movies? So Lori said "not to bring her just in case but probably she's teething or its cold. Oh and can one of you make sure to still bring the check?" Yeah, that's my first priority.
So after 4 sweet hours of sleep Tim stayed with her and I raced to work for 4 hours to try to see as many of my patients as possible. The whole drive there I held back the tears for all the fear and guilt I had. How could I leave my sweet baby at home with her poor sleep deprieved father? Now I won't know what her temperature is until I get home because he's afraid to check it. If only I was still nursing she would have never got sick. Wondering what kind of terrible parents let their baby get a fever. Wondering why we didn't wake up in the night when she first got sick. Wishing for the 100000000000th time that I did not have to work full time. Hoping COC and RR come in early for support. On and on the thoughts go. I get to work and none of my mom friends are there for comfort. Just the ladies with no babies trying not to show annoyance that I will be leaving early.
After about 5 calls to Tim and 5 long hours later, finally I was home to feed my tired hubby and cuddle my sad little baby. I spent the day holding that poor girl with us taking turns crying (me harder than her). My heart breaking and rebreaking that I couldn't fix our little daredevil and make her comfortable. Watching her pitiful attempts at playing. After two hours of reading, singing and rocking, she finally went to sleep and has been sleeping for a whole hour and a half now as I sit here wondering how high her fever is now. Is she too hot, too cold? Does she have pneumonia? Does she have the beginning of the flu? Will she be better by tomorrow so we can go on our date? Would we even enjoy our date? Is my dad mad that she is sick and might not come over? Do we even have 9-12 month pjs, those ones tonight seem a little snug? Is our thermometer accurate? Did the Motrin make her stomach hurt? Why are her hands cold and her head so hot?
Maybe I'll just go peek one more time.
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