rolling with the punches

Today our little bun (aka baby bundle) is 9 months old. Almost a year, I can't believe it. I get so excited about what outfit I'm going to put her in for our big photo shoot, just have to get the greatest picture for our baby book. I'm going to get action shots of her new tricks. Oh it's going to be so great and then when Tim comes home he gets to laugh at how I took 25 pictures of her in 5 minutes.

Well things did not end up that way after all. Instead I went to wake 'gator up to go to Lori's and she felt so hot to me. "Guess I over dressed her last night. Hmm, why's she so whiney?" In the morning she is always so happy, we still have no idea where she gets that from. So her crying woke up Tim and we checked her temp and there it was . . . her first fever. As new parents we didn't know what to do - do we send her to Lori's or the ER?? Should we through her in a tub of ice cubes like in the movies? So Lori said "not to bring her just in case but probably she's teething or its cold. Oh and can one of you make sure to still bring the check?" Yeah, that's my first priority.

So after 4 sweet hours of sleep Tim stayed with her and I raced to work for 4 hours to try to see as many of my patients as possible. The whole drive there I held back the tears for all the fear and guilt I had. How could I leave my sweet baby at home with her poor sleep deprieved father? Now I won't know what her temperature is until I get home because he's afraid to check it. If only I was still nursing she would have never got sick. Wondering what kind of terrible parents let their baby get a fever. Wondering why we didn't wake up in the night when she first got sick. Wishing for the 100000000000th time that I did not have to work full time. Hoping COC and RR come in early for support. On and on the thoughts go. I get to work and none of my mom friends are there for comfort. Just the ladies with no babies trying not to show annoyance that I will be leaving early.

After about 5 calls to Tim and 5 long hours later, finally I was home to feed my tired hubby and cuddle my sad little baby. I spent the day holding that poor girl with us taking turns crying (me harder than her). My heart breaking and rebreaking that I couldn't fix our little daredevil and make her comfortable. Watching her pitiful attempts at playing. After two hours of reading, singing and rocking, she finally went to sleep and has been sleeping for a whole hour and a half now as I sit here wondering how high her fever is now. Is she too hot, too cold? Does she have pneumonia? Does she have the beginning of the flu? Will she be better by tomorrow so we can go on our date? Would we even enjoy our date? Is my dad mad that she is sick and might not come over? Do we even have 9-12 month pjs, those ones tonight seem a little snug? Is our thermometer accurate? Did the Motrin make her stomach hurt? Why are her hands cold and her head so hot?


Maybe I'll just go peek one more time.